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Author Topic: A little Tiger Woods humor!  (Read 719 times)

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bigb

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A little Tiger Woods humor!
« on: December 03, 2009, 04:28:29 PM »
A little Tiger Woods humor!

 The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him.  "I don't know exactly...put me down for a 5."

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up tips on how to beat Tiger.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Ping just offered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of drivers; to be named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?: Cheetah

Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?

Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we have detected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we are contacting Nike for a new club.

Who among us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest golf club we can find??!!

Tiger's new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Poor choice; he should have gone with the driver.

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Left Foot

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2009, 05:21:45 PM »
+1

When I was 16 I skidded off the road and demolished a mailbox, a fire hydrant and a lamp post in that order. I never got a ticket and it didn't make the news. Weird.
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3redapples

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2009, 05:25:30 PM »
Quote from: Left Foot on December 03, 2009, 05:21:45 PM
+1

When I was 16 I skidded off the road and demolished a mailbox, a fire hydrant and a lamp post in that order. I never got a ticket and it didn't make the news. Weird.

Is that why there is blood on your avatar's head?....  ;)
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On Alki

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2009, 05:32:43 PM »
You guys all three crack me up +1 for all.  :drinks:
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Jack Straw

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2009, 05:36:19 PM »
My favorites:

Tiger wishes he could blame this errant drive on a photographer or a cell phone.

and

That was Tiger's shortest drive since he was two years old    ;D

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Left Foot

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2009, 05:36:23 PM »
Quote from: 3redapples on December 03, 2009, 05:25:30 PM
Quote from: Left Foot on December 03, 2009, 05:21:45 PM
+1

When I was 16 I skidded off the road and demolished a mailbox, a fire hydrant and a lamp post in that order. I never got a ticket and it didn't make the news. Weird.

Is that why there is blood on your avatar's head?....  ;)

No, I got that posting on the political thread. It's much rougher than most car wrecks.  :drinks:
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yote19

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2009, 07:39:52 PM »
I like that Miss Elin wasn't using a "rescue club" after all, she was trying to hit the sh*t out of the driver.
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swclark22

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2009, 04:05:33 PM »
Quote from: bigb on December 03, 2009, 04:28:29 PM
A little Tiger Woods humor!

 The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him.  "I don't know exactly...put me down for a 5."

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up tips on how to beat Tiger.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Ping just offered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of drivers; to be named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?: Cheetah

Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?

Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we have detected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we are contacting Nike for a new club.

Who among us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest golf club we can find??!!

Tiger's new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Poor choice; he should have gone with the driver.



Thanks for sharin' BigB! Funny stuff!

My favorite is the new movie...for some reason I getting a funny visual with that one!
He gunned the Escolade just in time...ergo the reason why the BACK window was knocked out...Elin used an iron, but she was clearly going for the Driver!  ;D
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Dragon

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2009, 04:16:08 PM »
**HOT OFF THE PRESS**


In the backwash of Tiger losing his sponsership from Gatoraide, he has picked up a NEW sponser... Viagra!!!

They will be mass producing a new pill called "Tiagra"....

It will be good for 18 holes...   Plus your wife! :laugh: :laugh:
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goldengoal

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #9 on: December 15, 2009, 02:22:22 PM »
Audio tapes with roooaaaurrr sounds have been provided as evidence by the women who are admitting to sleeping with Tiger. In one of the tapes there is evidence of a 3-some as you hear a roar followed by "Yurrr Grrrreeeaaattt" and people believe this to be Tony the Tiger.
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kennard04

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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #10 on: December 16, 2009, 01:26:46 PM »
what's the difference between Tiger and Santa ?






















Santa stops after 3 HO's       :evil: ;D
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Re: A little Tiger Woods humor!
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2009, 12:50:43 PM »
 

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.

All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.



       Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."


       Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

       Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

       Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

       Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

        Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

       Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

       Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

       Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

        Johnny is even madder than before.

       Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

       Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

       Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

        Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

       When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bit$%#s would keep their mouths shut!"

       The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

        Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
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