Topic: Question for CP's (Read 1563 times)

80s forever · « **on:** July 12, 2006, 12:43:47 AM »

OK, I am a CP when it comes to my dd. She plays on a competetive team, and the team is fairly successful, has some wins, some losses. Her coach, who I will refer to as SC (super coach), is great! My dd has learned so much and is having so much fun. She never wants to miss practice and always shares what SC teaches her. I was a youth and adult player, and a premier coach (way back when), and I am very impressed with SC, and they type of training that is provided. The girls play well at times, and not so well at other times.

Recently, I overheard a couple of CP's talking on the sidelines about SC, complaining about what the girls do in games, and what SC should be teaching them, what SC is doing wrong, and basically showing a very ugly side that I haven't seen before. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that these CP's have never stepped on a soccer field as a player??

I was very concerned that others might hear this and create a Lord of the Flies type of mentality, or worse, that my dd would hear this. I just can't see how this can be healthy for the team and the dd's of these parents. What do you think?? Should I pass this on to SC or should I keep my mouth shut and hope this doesn't turn into something ugly? Anyone else have this type of experience??

easternwashington · « **Reply #1 on:** July 12, 2006, 02:12:49 AM »

80's forever headbutt the offending parents in their chest...should solve all your problems

80s forever · « **Reply #2 on:** July 12, 2006, 08:28:12 AM »

Quote from: "easternwashington"

80's forever headbutt the offending parents in their chest...should solve all your problems

Hmmmmm............................. :shock:

MA · « **Reply #3 on:** July 12, 2006, 09:21:16 AM »

Often times you get one bad egg on the sidelines who thinks they "know it all" and they bad mouth the coach to other parents.
We would hope that the other parents would set this person straight and tell him they dont agree and dont want to hear it.

And usually.......... that type of parent only lasts one season with your team. Infact, they usually only last one season with any team. Until they become so bad, their DD quits soccer all together because they are tired of moving from team to team. Its sad... but we have seen it happen.

If I over heard that kind of talk on the sideline... I would go to the source and set them straight. I wouldnt want someone like that trying to hurt my team. And talk like that CAN hurt a team.

cheese · « **Reply #4 on:** July 12, 2006, 09:21:36 AM »

80's Forever, Sorry but you are going to have to just grin and bare it as far as what people say.

It does not matter what coach you have....someone is not going to agree with them or like them. Nothing you can do about it. If you want to try and defend SC and tell the parents the coach is actually doing a good job.....in your opinion.

They might be a little ticked if their dd does not get the playing time then think she should be getting. Coaches don't do miracles...just coach a team.

Winning usually takes away the disgruntled comments. When a team loses it returns in bucket fulls :roll:

Good Luck

goldentoe · « **Reply #5 on:** July 12, 2006, 09:28:41 AM »

I agree with miss america but as a coach, it probably is not a big deal. It is like anything else in sports, you are never going to satisfy everyone and we all know that when we coach. It sucks that coaches like Mr. America and I are volunteers (pretty sure Mr. America donates his time) and we still get criticized by others.

I would say you should mention it to the coach just so he/she knows it is going on and can deal with it, if it is getting out of hand. In otherwords, if more parents then yourself are overhearing this and other parents approach SC about the same thing, then SC can deal with it how they see fit.

Just do not make a big deal out of it except to tell the SC privately.

Just my 2 cents.

Dragon · « **Reply #6 on:** July 12, 2006, 09:34:38 AM »

80's, all Dragon have ta say is "welcome to the world of CP's" :lol:

Some of these cancers only stay year like MA say, but their some that hold on and just drive away others :lol:

Dragon gotta love all those CP's :mrgreen:

MA · « **Reply #7 on:** July 12, 2006, 09:58:14 AM »

Quote from: "Dragon"

80's, all Dragon have ta say is "welcome to the world of CP's" :lol:

Some of these cancers only stay year like MA say, but their some that hold on and just drive away others :lol:

Dragon gotta love all those CP's :mrgreen:

Dragon.... that is exactly what Mr.A calls those kinds of people.... cancers.

nosoupforU · « **Reply #8 on:** July 12, 2006, 10:08:40 AM »

Quote from: "80s forever"

OK, I am a CP when it comes to my dd. She plays on a competetive team, and the team is fairly successful, has some wins, some losses. Her coach, who I will refer to as SC (super coach), is great! My dd has learned so much and is having so much fun. She never wants to miss practice and always shares what SC teaches her. I was a youth and adult player, and a premier coach (way back when), and I am very impressed with SC, and they type of training that is provided. The girls play well at times, and not so well at other times.

Recently, I overheard a couple of CP's talking on the sidelines about SC, complaining about what the girls do in games, and what SC should be teaching them, what SC is doing wrong, and basically showing a very ugly side that I haven't seen before. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that these CP's have never stepped on a soccer field as a player??

I was very concerned that others might hear this and create a Lord of the Flies type of mentality, or worse, that my dd would hear this. I just can't see how this can be healthy for the team and the dd's of these parents. What do you think?? Should I pass this on to SC or should I keep my mouth shut and hope this doesn't turn into something ugly? Anyone else have this type of experience??

unfortunately this is fairly common. There's always a frustrated athlete-become parent that knows everything and is sure their kid is the next Mia/Beckham. They can be a cancer on the team unless everyone else knows what's up. I make it a point to send out an e-mail as soon as I hear any disgruntled parents talking to nip the rumors in the bud. Too bad this is a part of youth sports, it shouldn't be. But there will always be; "my kid is the best striker on the team and he/she sits on the bench". "That kid can't get out of his/her own way why are they playing sweeper"? "That coach is so dumb he can't even see when we should pull an off-sides trap". It never ends, the best thing we can do is set a good example for other parents, and for the kids.

Vantucky · « **Reply #9 on:** July 12, 2006, 10:19:53 AM »

Usually this is due to one thing...coach has a specific agenda for the team that has not been discussed with the CPs or is not understood completely by them. IMO providing the coach with a little insight will not hurt.

sccraddict · « **Reply #10 on:** July 12, 2006, 10:48:58 AM »

This is one of those questions that just never goes away. Happens year after year. I agree with Vantucky that alot of times the coaches have an agenda that most people don't seem to understand. People who have never played the game don't always understand either, that a coach will see alot of things that parents don't. Maybe #10 didn't get that goal and my daughter could have, but the coach sees that #10 just made 3 great passes, or is supporting the ball well, etc. Give the coach the heads up, let him/her know what you heard and leave it at that. Let the coach decide how he wants to handle it. There are some CP's that no matter what will never be happy and find something to b**** about.

Great Dane · « **Reply #11 on:** July 12, 2006, 10:56:28 AM »

How about just suggesting to the parent they should consider talking to the coach about their concern directly if they really feel that strongly about something. Of course they won't, because they likely know deep inside the coach knows best...but at least you get your point across, i.e. talk directly to the person you have a problem with instead of talking about them behind their backs. This might be a non confrontational way to get your point across to the parent, yet shield the coach from all the BS they need not waste their time dealing with. Good luck with a bad situation.

yote19 · « **Reply #12 on:** July 12, 2006, 11:08:37 AM »

I agree with Dane, you should provide the cancer with a more productive way of dealing with his/her problems. Also, it is vital that the coach continues to communicate with the parents of the team in regard to his coaching style, what he/she is focusing on at present time, realistic expectations (practices, games and outside training), and the responsibilities of the players and parents. This communication should help alleviate the gossip on the sidelines. Unfortunately, the coach must also control his/her sidelines to the best of their ability in creating an overall good "team".

Brat Jr · « **Reply #13 on:** July 12, 2006, 11:32:56 AM »

As long as everyone communicates, most of this is a non issue.

Coach talking to parents/ players and players/parents talking to coaches. Most do a great job at it, but some fail miserably. ( both sides).

sccraddict · « **Reply #14 on:** July 12, 2006, 12:35:35 PM »

I agree that the "cancer" parent should talk to the coach, but usually by the time they are starting to spread their discontent they either already have and were not happy with what they heard or they are the type of parent that won't. There are also the few that just don't get it. You will also find that some CP's are just happy creating "issues" that really aren't there. Some teams could create their own soap opera's - sad really when you think about it.

yote19 · « **Reply #15 on:** July 12, 2006, 12:54:13 PM »

This would be called DRAMA

Momskick · « **Reply #16 on:** July 12, 2006, 01:30:39 PM »

This is really a tough one. I also have encountered over the years talk on the sidelines in regards to coaches, and players. I would agree that the coach needs to know what the discussions are about. This can help him or her deal with it in a group or individual session. I have seen it that when "the" issue is addressed usually that parent shuts up - and as was mentioned that player is normally gone the next year

I challenge anyone to be a coach for a season dealing with the girls or boys personalitites and the parents too. It truly take a select few to handle it all.

nosoupforU · « **Reply #17 on:** July 12, 2006, 03:42:28 PM »

Quote from: "Momskick"

This is really a tough one. I also have encountered over the years talk on the sidelines in regards to coaches, and players. I would agree that the coach needs to know what the discussions are about. This can help him or her deal with it in a group or individual session. I have seen it that when "the" issue is addressed usually that parent shuts up - and as was mentioned that player is normally gone the next year

I challenge anyone to be a coach for a season dealing with the girls or boys personalitites and the parents too. It truly take a select few to handle it all.

how true that is, only a few can handle it correctly.

I do have a method for dealing with this for some coaches, as I've seen it work very well;

"no coach contact, period". Any issues are addressed to the team manager. Parents do not talk, give advice, ask questions at all. Any parent found to be bad mouthing the coaching staff, or any player, posting on a forum, talking to the press, giving inside info to other teams gets their kid kicked off the team. End of story. And surprisingly, there is NO drama at all with this coaches teams. And they are always ranked in the top 10 spots in the state.

Smile · « **Reply #18 on:** July 12, 2006, 03:59:39 PM »

This is a chance for you to help the other CP learn to smile. A good team has its talent spread out across the field with each player learning to do something new/well.

When a CP is upset it is because they don't understand three simple things:

1. The beutiful game.
2. The team chemistry
3. How to smile.

In some respects they are just "talking" ya know making conversation. In that case, CP teach them to smile.

Momskick · « **Reply #19 on:** July 12, 2006, 04:26:58 PM »

No Soup I have seen this done ...and it works.

However you always get those parents on the sides that actually can ruin the chemistry of the team if the other CP's wish to get sucked into the "drama"

I have learned to just politely either ignore the person or change the subject...I have always said let the coach coach and the player play. Its a committment for one year, If you do not like it then change teams. However your reputation usually follows with you as even though there are many clubs/teams it is still a "small community"

yote19 · « **Reply #20 on:** July 12, 2006, 04:30:40 PM »

unless the team manager creates issues. I believe the strength of the coaching staff is coordinating assistants, team managers, treasurers etc that promote the program/philosophy for the team. I do appreciate the many people I have worked with over the years.

nosoupforU · « **Reply #21 on:** July 12, 2006, 04:35:18 PM »

Quote from: "Momskick"

No Soup I have seen this done ...and it works.

However you always get those parents on the sides that actually can ruin the chemistry of the team if the other CP's wish to get sucked into the "drama"

I have learned to just politely either ignore the person or change the subject...I have always said let the coach coach and the player play. Its a committment for one year, If you do not like it then change teams. However your reputation usually follows with you as even though there are many clubs/teams it is still a "small community"

too bad everyone doesn't have your brains. It is for 1 year, parents should do a little research before they commit their kid and their dollars for a entire year but that seems like it's asking alot.

And how true about the rep, every year we have parents come in and EVERYBODY knows if they're whiners, or hotheads. Hopefully we all act like cultured people and hope it rubs off. But some folks are just crude, rude and socially unacceptable.

Let the coaches coach, why else have we selected them to be coaches ?

80s forever · « **Reply #22 on:** July 12, 2006, 06:50:38 PM »

Quote from: "nosoupforU"

Quote from: "Momskick"
No Soup I have seen this done ...and it works.

However you always get those parents on the sides that actually can ruin the chemistry of the team if the other CP's wish to get sucked into the "drama"

I have learned to just politely either ignore the person or change the subject...I have always said let the coach coach and the player play. Its a committment for one year, If you do not like it then change teams. However your reputation usually follows with you as even though there are many clubs/teams it is still a "small community"

too bad everyone doesn't have your brains. It is for 1 year, parents should do a little research before they commit their kid and their dollars for a entire year but that seems like it's asking alot.

And how true about the rep, every year we have parents come in and EVERYBODY knows if they're whiners, or hotheads. Hopefully we all act like cultured people and hope it rubs off. But some folks are just crude, rude and socially unacceptable.

Let the coaches coach, why else have we selected them to be coaches ?

Thanks. I am going to keep my mouth shut. I kinda wish I did hear, but it has been nagging at me for a while now! BTW, SC layed out a plan at the parents meeting, talking about goals, expectations, and not to mention realistic expectations. So far, mission accomplished!

easternwashington · « **Reply #23 on:** July 13, 2006, 03:09:04 PM »

Did the Zidane on the parents....telling you it will solve all the problems!

mt_man · « **Reply #24 on:** July 13, 2006, 06:05:53 PM »

Have a parent on your team with tootsie pops. Someone starts talking hand them one. You can't complain with a tootsie pop in their mouth. Plus they realize they said something wrong and will probably stop.

Momskick · « **Reply #25 on:** July 13, 2006, 06:11:29 PM »

Quote from: "mt_man"

Have a parent on your team with tootsie pops. Someone starts talking hand them one. You can't complain with a tootsie pop in their mouth. Plus they realize they said something wrong and will probably stop.

You know what I am going to bring a bag with me at the next game. In fact that will be next Sat ... Great Idea!!! Thank you!

yote19 · « **Reply #26 on:** July 13, 2006, 06:13:07 PM »

lollipops have been used on our team for many years. Parents start joking about it--"got another one" "You caught me" "look, we are twins (two dads side by side)" etc etc

Momskick · « **Reply #27 on:** July 13, 2006, 06:22:52 PM »

I've never seen it before. I myself bring something to put in "my own mouth" only because I am a nervous spectator....

But maybe I'll bring a bag of Dum-Dum's

yote19 · « **Reply #28 on:** July 13, 2006, 06:25:17 PM »

pop rocks

dogedog · « **Reply #29 on:** July 13, 2006, 08:59:20 PM »

Quote from: "Momskick"

Quote from: "mt_man"
Have a parent on your team with tootsie pops. Someone starts talking hand them one. You can't complain with a tootsie pop in their mouth. Plus they realize they said something wrong and will probably stop.

You know what I am going to bring a bag with me at the next game. In fact that will be next Sat ... Great Idea!!! Thank you!

This is a great idea and works. :lol:

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Author Topic: Question for CP's (Read 1563 times)