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[Squash]

I saw one of the worst actions on the sidelines after a game this weekend by a parent. Actually using multiple foul language words towards a coach because of playing time.

Not only was it a bad place and time to do it, it was borderline crazy crazy parent actions. The kind that could lead to the parent being asked to not attend games. This particular parent was 100% wrong and out of control.

I prefer not to comment on the team or the coach, but I felt badly for the coach. The parent not only embarrassed himself, but his child by acting this way. There is no place at the fields for this type of behavior. As a parent if this out of control or this upset about playing time. Maybe find a better fit for your child. :shock:

[duffer]

Duffer says any parent that drops f word or any thing like it gets red card and he must sit out  3 games but kid must play if they are good enuff to if not then kid needs to find team they can play on !!duffer knows all.Parents bad action does not make player better player does !if parent is mad about playing time TO BAD maybe Coach does not like player ? this is not to say new coach will not love player or player may play pro someday still does not make coach wrong now!!Duffer give this parent a red card and a F on parenting.

[tgrbabe]

Wow - that kind of behaviour is what give all crazy parents (reference to Dragon - ha ha ha) a bad name!!  I am constantly amazed at how those of us that are supposed to be adults can be so easily reduced to something less than human by the actions of a bunch of kids on a soccer field.

I rarely agree with Duffer (I love girls soccer!!) - but in this case - we are in agreement - red card and 3 game suspension at the least.  And possible therapy for the poor child of the idiot parent!!  

It's a GAME folks!!!  If you don't like where your kid is out - shop around - there are plenty of teams out there - and you still have a few weeks left!!!  

Play on!!

[Squash]

[Dragon]

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[3Points]

I have a clarification to crazy parental displays based on 34 years of coaching both boys and girls at the College / HS / Premier / Recreational levels.

Three Small Points on Communications:

Parents and Players:  At the beginning of the season, both player and parent separately write down what your goals are for the season.  Think about all the things you want to see happen regarding how you improve, record, personal goals, etc.  Then get together and compare what you both wrote.  Parents, if yours do not match your child’s list of goals THROW YOURS AWAY and adopt you child’s goals.  It is not your experience; it’s your child’s.

Players: Be honest and make sure you accurately communicate what is going on between you and your coach to your parents.  Most coaches, if they are worth their salt, will communicate expectations and critique the players play, give feedback, areas for improvement and provide a path for success.  Players/kids often times, do not communicate that back to the parents and often will vent to folks and get them all riled up and give the impression that you want them to step in on their behalf.  Usually when a parent “freaks out” they are thinking they are defending their child or being their advocate.  

Some kids when this happens realize their culpability in the event and of course every normal kid that has this happen to is completely embarrassed.  

Coaches: Be honest and open.  Communicate honestly with your players and define roles and expectations.  Don’t candy coat things and leave things to interpretation.  It is not always easy but if you are not clear – young people will interpret to their advantage and mis-communicate to parents and the next thing you know you are knee deep in a crazy (mother bear) parent in their mind protecting their cub.  

I understand that this is not a universal solution – just a few baby steps.   We have an imperfect world with coaches in it for the wrong reasons, we have parents that have wildly unrealistic expectations, and we have kids that don’t take responsibilities.  But, these three steps will help.

I have no solution for bad referee’s!     :?

[Whome?]

Squash,
I know exactly who you are talking about.  They sure have guts to think that they are empowered to approach the coach in bad manner.

They need to watch that new tv show "Earl" and maybe they can all learn a lesson on spreading good karma b/c right now they spreading bad karma!  What goes arounds comes around.

It is really too bad for those players :!:

[mathewdurkee]

Many years ago, when I was coaching a select soccer team up here in Bellingham (a really good good girls soccer team) I had parents always complain about playing time for their daughters. what I told them was this;


1. at the U-13 level of play I will gurantee at least 15 min of play.
2. when talking about something, it is not wise to talk to me after a game, becuase I might not see there opinion, so please talk to me at least one day after the game. that way i can assess any time conflict.
3. it is only a game, and yes the game is meant to be fun. have fun playing.

 :lol:
and yes I am still coaching at the select level.

[cheese]

For those that yell at the Ref's - Become a Ref.

For those that attack and argue with coach - Become a coach or move to another team.

For those that have major issues at games - STAY HOME!!! Have someone record it for you.

Too many obsenities and unsportsmanship displays by parents are not necessary for my little DD to have to watch.  IT IS JUST A GAME.

 

[loud fat guy]

.
Premier coaches have kids sit on the bench for intire games  & game after game the parents get more & more pisssed off until they lose it at the wrong time.
I think that the only time that as a parent this should happen to you is the first u11 season after that you should understand how things work & find the right fit but Coaches should be more pro active & talk to players & parents tell them what to expect - Some of the time they hope that the player or his parents will make a change so they are off the hook.
bottom line if you pick kids play them make the game about the players not about your own agenda.
I dont aprove of yelling at any one but I sure understand it.
Maybe the guy was missing work or some other impotant activity just to go out & watch his kid play only to see the kid sit there unhappy with no chance of participating.
If this has never happened to you then you really dont know how it feels it totally sucks to see your kid sit & wither on the vine & some parents just dont handle it very well
If adults dont treat kids fairly they should be held accountable.
But sadly in premier soccer winning is more important than treating kids fairly.

[socrtaxi]

I too think that if you are upset about the game and playing time, you should wait at least 24 hours before talking with the coach. The kids should advocate for themselves first, if this is not working then you may have to step in. Leave your ego at home first. Think about what is important. for the team and for your child. Not your child and then the team

As to fixing bad refs. hahahaha good luck! I am a ref. hopefull y a decent one, but I don't have a resolution to fix poor officiating. Other then what is being attempted now. Recert classes, maybe  a few more hours of education and training, but then it needs to be offered at times when you are not working, or taking yoru kids to pracitce and games. That can be a frustrating thing for referee's having to schedule in the extra training time, around playing, coaching, and driving kids around.  

just some thoughts.  

[vms]

Good  points all. But what no one has mentioned is the WHY little Billy or Betty are NOT playing. Are they in over their heads?not progressing?   not performing well in practice?or even going to ALL practices?are they involved in other sports/activities that interfere with performance? Are they coachable kids?likeable?etc? Having been a coach , talent, or less of it, is the obvious reason why some ride the pine, but there are other issues that coaches have to deal with re:playing time. Premier soccer is developmental until U14, so it is mandatory that all kids younger be developed to the best of their ability. In some cases, more practice is necessary for some kids to improve at the same rate as the rest of the squad. Kids earn time by being better than their peers, plain and simple. A coach/trainer can only do so much. The player needs to take responsibility for improvement by practicing more if need be.Get an individual trainer. Show the coach you want to improve. All kids need to be given a chance to succeed, but not all will succeed. Failure is reality and some coaches are not gonna make the team suffer to let little Billy play if he is stinking up the place game in and game out. Truth is we see our kids with rosy colored glasses and have our own agendas on many levels." All that $$ I pay and my little Betty is sitting. Wait til I get a hold of that coach". Well that's one way to ensure that your little kid is gonna have a rough go. Respectful , well timed communication is key.Don't wait until the middle of the season to talk with a coach if a kid/parent is dissatisfied. Many young kids cannot speak up for themselves, so parents need to be advocates for their kids.BUT parents need to be unbiased in their assessment of their kid's skill level v. his peers. Not every kid is playing for the right team or coach. Often this is noted during the summer tournament season.Sometimes later. Sometimes it seems too late. Coaches may make mistakes in their assessments of kids  during tryouts, especially with the tweeners. It can be pretty obvious when the coach is not playing a kid that he is dissatisfied with performance. Ask why. Ask early. But don't be rude. A parent /kid seen as a pain in the butt gets labeled. Sports is life, life is sports.

[gunnar04]

every parent on the opposing team hates the way i play. one game in california one parent was screaming at the top of his lungs "THIS KID ISNT A SOCCER PLAYER LOOK AT HIM WHAT THE F*(& IS HE DOING HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO PLAY SOCCER" all because i knocked his kid over (really hard :twisted: ) aha another time "WHERE DID THIS KID COME FROM? HOLLYWOOD? LOOK AT THOSE DIVES" and i always seem to interact back at them and they get even madder and its always funny. yet i dont see why they all hate me aha maybe its cause im better then there kid? hah i duno every game this stuff happens  :|

[cheese]

every parent on the opposing team hates the way i play. one game in california one parent was screaming at the top of his lungs "THIS KID ISNT A SOCCER PLAYER LOOK AT HIM WHAT THE F*(& IS HE DOING HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO PLAY SOCCER" all because i knocked his kid over (really hard :twisted: ) aha another time "WHERE DID THIS KID COME FROM? HOLLYWOOD? LOOK AT THOSE DIVES" and i always seem to interact back at them and they get even madder and its always funny. yet i dont see why they all hate me aha maybe its cause im better then there kid? hah i duno every game this stuff happens  :|

Most other teams hate my son's team.  They think we play dirty and cheap.  It's really just being extremely aggressive with a little attitude mixed in.  
As long as you play by the rules and accept the outcome with dignity all should be fine.

[meluvsoccer]

First hat:  Parent
socrtaxi - what do you mean the team comes first - my child comes first.  Ugh - I go watch my kid play and develop.  
Now, how much playing time they get is another thing.  That depends on how the fit in with the team, how skillful they are compared to others on the team for the position(s) they play, etc.  But, please don't try to tell me (a parent) that the team is more important than my child  

Next hat: Coach
Ugh - I do not understand coaches who will not play their players. In my opinion if a coach picks a player, they need to play that player.  In my club we have a rule (come to 80% of practices - get at least 40% playing time). This does not apply at LPTs or State Cup, but I try to apply it. At LPTs this past year, I did not, but I played everyone at least 10 minutes a game. Yes, I broke my rule. I HATED it.  But, I still played all my players.  I OWE that to them.  Players get better by playing the game - first and foremost. Sure they learn while at practice, but NOTHING beats learning in a game. Do we end up losing games as a result. Sometimes - yes.  But, most of the time, we would lose anyway.  Will we win in later years because I play them - Maybe. We definitely won't lose in later years because I play them.
The other side of the issue - Don't ever talk issues to the coach before/during/after a game.  For all the reasons given in the other posts - don't need to rehash.

[cheese]

Next hat: Coach
Ugh - I do not understand coaches who will not play their players. In my opinion if a coach picks a player, they need to play that player.  In my club we have a rule (come to 80% of practices - get at least 40% playing time). This does not apply at LPTs or State Cup, but I try to apply it. At LPTs this past year, I did not, but I played everyone at least 10 minutes a game. Yes, I broke my rule. I HATED it.  But, I still played all my players.  I OWE that to them.  Players get better by playing the game - first and foremost. Sure they learn while at practice, but NOTHING beats learning in a game. Do we end up losing games as a result. Sometimes - yes.  But, most of the time, we would lose anyway.  Will we win in later years because I play them - Maybe. We definitely won't lose in later years because I play them.
The other side of the issue - Don't ever talk issues to the coach before/during/after a game.  For all the reasons given in the other posts - don't need to rehash.

I've seen where a coach picks a player that looked great for the 15 minutes they are looked at during tryouts, only that is the best 15 minutes playing the kid ever played.  It's not until a couple weeks after that the coach finds out the player is not good or motivated at all.
You can't cut them from the team, you can only try and coach them as best as possible and fit them in as much as you can during games.  But sometimes that only becomes 10 minutes of a game, sad but true. :cry:

[meluvsoccer]

I have done that.  Picked up a player that looked a lot better at tryouts than they actually were.
Except for 'effort' and attitude reasons (none in my case), I still believe that you need to play them.  10-15 minutes is not enough in YOUTH soccer no matter what level you are playing at.  IMHO (OK, maybe not so H  :oops: ), in terms of each player getting 'enough' playing time, a coach needs to forget about the score and remember that it is a kid that they are dealing with.

[cheese]

At what point does it go from everyone getting "fair" playing time to some playing all the time, some none at all. :?

H.S. sports, the 1st string players play most if not all the game.   Some non-1st string players will ride the bench most the season. :x

If an outstanding freshman makes the varsity team he/she might get little to no playing time at all, where as if they just played JV they would play almost every minute of the season. :|

There is a line somewhere, I just don't know where it is for Select.

[Sitting Bull]

At select and premier levels, the teams are put together for further developement of the individual. These coaches should find other ways of developing the kids on the sidelines, KIDS DO NOT DEVELOPE DURING A GAME. Constant communication between coach-player and parent are instrumental in keeping these unwanted outbursts before, during, or after a game.

[Big Youth]

At select and premier levels, the teams are put together for further developement of the individual. These coaches should find other ways of developing the kids on the sidelines, KIDS DO NOT DEVELOPE DURING A GAME. Constant communication between coach-player and parent are instrumental in keeping these unwanted outbursts before, during, or after a game.

Of course kids develop during a game.  If they develop touching the ball and competing against teamates in practice, if they develop when getting touches in the backyard or park, if they develop while engaged in private training, it is absurd to suggest that they wouldn't develop in a game.  The game provides stresses and opportunities not easily replicated in the other situations.

[rollercoaster]

Couldn't have said it better myself Big Youth.  OF COURSE they develop in a game situation.   :shock:

[vms]

Premier soccer is about many things but  being noticed for college,MLS,etc is arguably the reason why MANY kids are playing at this level.If not, they would play rec for the fun of it.But the better players want to play  at a level commensurate with their skill.And they all want to play but cannot. What age group then is it appropriate to play the best kids and try to win?Seems that at the U14/15 age group there are obvious factors turning boys into men, physically and emotionally.Competition separates the best  and the best  play the most.Kids at that age are better able to deal with the situation as long as it is fair and equitable.Some teams are blessed with reserves that are little different than the 1st stringers, so subbing is a no brainer. Some clubs have a significant drop off in performance and it compromises outcomes .Some coaches try to hide kids that are not performing well to not compromise their squads, others just will not give them any significant playing time..just a cold, hard fact. Kids who get tired of losing games they should win  will move to winning programs. This is the reason that Xfire and others are so successful. They become All-Star teams having kids from all over the State playing for them. This makes it sobering for many programs without the pedigree to attract the same number of excellent kids. To compete with the best, many squads will play their best kids....only! This seems to be the reason at least at P1 why reserves may not play as much. Some kids don't mind riding the bench when the payoff is going to Regionals year in, year out. (See Xfire-James)Others do mind.Seems there are no clear answers.Individuals need to decide what is most important,ie, playing time on a second tier squad, or riding the bench on a premier squad. For those who are good enough to succeed on a good squad, more power to them. For the others, there is always Dynablow

[Sitting Bull]

At select and premier levels, the teams are put together for further developement of the individual. These coaches should find other ways of developing the kids on the sidelines, KIDS DO NOT DEVELOPE DURING A GAME. Constant communication between coach-player and parent are instrumental in keeping these unwanted outbursts before, during, or after a game.

Of course kids develop during a game.  If they develop touching the ball and competing against teamates in practice, if they develop when getting touches in the backyard or park, if they develop while engaged in private training, it is absurd to suggest that they wouldn't develop in a game.  The game provides stresses and opportunities not easily replicated in the other situations.

Maybe I could have stated this differently, If kids are not developing at practices along with a team concept maybe its time to find other resources. I've heard several parents say their child is not getting better because they're not getting enough playing time, and that statement is untrue.

[Big Youth]

At select and premier levels, the teams are put together for further developement of the individual. These coaches should find other ways of developing the kids on the sidelines, KIDS DO NOT DEVELOPE DURING A GAME. Constant communication between coach-player and parent are instrumental in keeping these unwanted outbursts before, during, or after a game.

Of course kids develop during a game.  If they develop touching the ball and competing against teamates in practice, if they develop when getting touches in the backyard or park, if they develop while engaged in private training, it is absurd to suggest that they wouldn't develop in a game.  The game provides stresses and opportunities not easily replicated in the other situations.

Maybe I could have stated this differently, If kids are not developing at practices along with a team concept maybe its time to find other resources. I've heard several parents say their child is not getting better because they're not getting enough playing time, and that statement is untrue.

Such a statement by the parents may or may not be true.  You are correct that the player may not be performing in practice, and that will affect the chance to play in games.  However, it also is true that if the player is working hard in practice, but simply not outperforming his or her peers, denial of game time will affect development.  That doesn't always mean that he or she should get lots of time, but it may be true that development is affected.

My personal view is that if the coach isn't playing your kid, you should look to leave at tryouts.

[meluvsoccer]

Premier soccer is about many things but  being noticed for college,MLS,etc is arguably the reason why MANY kids are playing at this level.If not, they would play rec for the fun of it.But the better players want to play  at a level commensurate with their skill.And they all want to play but cannot. What age group then is it appropriate to play the best kids and try to win?Seems that at the U14/15 age group there are obvious factors turning boys into men, physically and emotionally.Competition separates the best  and the best  play the most.Kids at that age are better able to deal with the situation as long as it is fair and equitable.Some teams are blessed with reserves that are little different than the 1st stringers, so subbing is a no brainer. Some clubs have a significant drop off in performance and it compromises outcomes .Some coaches try to hide kids that are not performing well to not compromise their squads, others just will not give them any significant playing time..just a cold, hard fact. Kids who get tired of losing games they should win  will move to winning programs. This is the reason that Xfire and others are so successful. They become All-Star teams having kids from all over the State playing for them. This makes it sobering for many programs without the pedigree to attract the same number of excellent kids. To compete with the best, many squads will play their best kids....only! This seems to be the reason at least at P1 why reserves may not play as much. Some kids don't mind riding the bench when the payoff is going to Regionals year in, year out. (See Xfire-James)Others do mind.Seems there are no clear answers.Individuals need to decide what is most important,ie, playing time on a second tier squad, or riding the bench on a premier squad. For those who are good enough to succeed on a good squad, more power to them. For the others, there is always Dynablow

If too many individuals are playing premier soccer in order to get into college (let alone MLS) they are mightily confused and need a dose of WakeMeUp.    If my kid does not play (Xfire-James) I could care less WHO he plays for or WHERE they go.  Scouts do not look at only teams that win.  Yes, they might get more looks, but these scouts know better than to just look at the winning teams.  There are many players playing at various levels who can play and play well. They choose to stay where they are for various reasons (staying away from Crossfire is probably the BEST reason).  If my kid does not mind 'riding the pine' then I really wonder why I would pay all the money I am paying for him to sit the bench.  So what if he can say I am on a Regional team. So what! I would rather say I play then I sit.  U14/15?  If your son/daughter is not playing here, the coach is screwed up.  Noone is looking at these ages (except for ODP).  Scouts rarely look at U16.  Get real.  If a coach only plays the best players at this age, I doubt that the coach is interest AT ALL in developing players. Only in winning (i.e. Almost ALL of Crossfire).  Do they run practices that help to develop. I am sure that they do.  But, I doubt many of them really care about the long term development of their players. Only in What are you doing for me lately.  
That is one reason my kids will never play for Crossfire (or any other club that would sit players consistently).  I want a coach for my kids that cares about their development and truely looks at that as a long term deal.

[vms]

Most coaches care about developing players yet  PT may still be scarce. Do you think 10-15 ' a game is enough to get the touches and looks to develop? I think not. Those boys NEED to look at a different team, where they can max their PT. I still think that most kids playing Premier are looking down the road...or at least should be. Why else spend this kind of $$ if its just for fun?Rec/select ball is enough if you want to play other sports and futbol is just one of those sports. It is the rare athlete who excels at multiple sports and plays each  for the he## of it. Most are dedicated to one sport at the U14/15 age group because
1) it is their best sport
2) it is something they want to play forever, or
3) they envision a career in the sport.
I think it's not a pipe dream to want to play college ball.As for MLS or other, maybe...

[duffer]

Premier soccer is about many things but  being noticed for college,MLS,etc is arguably the reason why MANY kids are playing at this level.If not, they would play rec for the fun of it.But the better players want to play  at a level commensurate with their skill.And they all want to play but cannot. What age group then is it appropriate to play the best kids and try to win?Seems that at the U14/15 age group there are obvious factors turning boys into men, physically and emotionally.Competition separates the best  and the best  play the most.Kids at that age are better able to deal with the situation as long as it is fair and equitable.Some teams are blessed with reserves that are little different than the 1st stringers, so subbing is a no brainer. Some clubs have a significant drop off in performance and it compromises outcomes .Some coaches try to hide kids that are not performing well to not compromise their squads, others just will not give them any significant playing time..just a cold, hard fact. Kids who get tired of losing games they should win  will move to winning programs. This is the reason that Xfire and others are so successful. They become All-Star teams having kids from all over the State playing for them. This makes it sobering for many programs without the pedigree to attract the same number of excellent kids. To compete with the best, many squads will play their best kids....only! This seems to be the reason at least at P1 why reserves may not play as much. Some kids don't mind riding the bench when the payoff is going to Regionals year in, year out. (See Xfire-James)Others do mind.Seems there are no clear answers.Individuals need to decide what is most important,ie, playing time on a second tier squad, or riding the bench on a premier squad. For those who are good enough to succeed on a good squad, more power to them. For the others, there is always Dynablow

If too many individuals are playing premier soccer in order to get into college (let alone MLS) they are mightily confused and need a dose of WakeMeUp.    If my kid does not play (Xfire-James) I could care less WHO he plays for or WHERE they go.  Scouts do not look at only teams that win.  Yes, they might get more looks, but these scouts know better than to just look at the winning teams.  There are many players playing at various levels who can play and play well. They choose to stay where they are for various reasons (staying away from Crossfire is probably the BEST reason).  If my kid does not mind 'riding the pine' then I really wonder why I would pay all the money I am paying for him to sit the bench.  So what if he can say I am on a Regional team. So what! I would rather say I play then I sit.  U14/15?  If your son/daughter is not playing here, the coach is screwed up.  Noone is looking at these ages (except for ODP).  Scouts rarely look at U16.  Get real.  If a coach only plays the best players at this age, I doubt that the coach is interest AT ALL in developing players. Only in winning (i.e. Almost ALL of Crossfire).  Do they run practices that help to develop. I am sure that they do.  But, I doubt many of them really care about the long term development of their players. Only in What are you doing for me lately.  
That is one reason my kids will never play for Crossfire (or any other club that would sit players consistently).  I want a coach for my kids that cares about their development and truely looks at that as a long term deal.

Duffer says you not sure what your talking about.when person- coach say they are wrong I would never do that  or  Ido it this way so that make me right ----Well you have very large Clownshoes in closet.Look if you get a kid on your team any thing less than half a game then you know he is not getting any game time that means much!! and then to say you think you better than any one when you only do it when the games aren't important! well that makes you worse!The diffrece in your way and say Xfire James is the kid only knows were he stands when games mean somthing. becouse on that day you will not play them it means to much to you.You call that better I call that Crap I rather have my kid play for a coach that says you are not good enuff right now than to play for one that hands him Rosecolored glasses all season.your not helping say there wrong You are them your just picking and choossing WHEN!!! Duffer knows all and hates coaches that are PC-lamecorndogeatingclowns!!!This is not ment to be mean just to hit you in your head to knock your ROSECOLORD GLASSES _____OFF___ lol lol