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[Brat Jr]

Amazing Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly
removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by simply using the sink. DO THIS AND DIE!
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing
the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hi t the snooze button. What a wake up call!
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. ewwwwww
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules
of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40
and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the
WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to
know them. ybnrml?
10. SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES.......... THEYARE
NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT..... THEY STILL
BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A
FLIGHT OF STAIRS . I must be a slinky! :mrgreen:
11. Added by request: The best way to avoid a shark
attack is to out-swim your partner.

[dogedog]

Those are Great Brat.  LMAO  :lol:

[nosoupforU]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA !! Those were tight Brat, TY !!!

[sccraddict]

Can always count on Brat for a laugh or two  :lol:   :lol:

[Brat Jr]

Can always count on Brat for a laugh or two  :lol:   :lol:

Just don't laugh AT me and we'll be OK! :mrgreen:

[sccraddict]

Not laughing at you, but with you  

[Brat Jr]

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CHICAGO
SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT
TELLS  YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF,
"I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME."

  SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER
  NICKEL  IN. OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ,
"YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128  LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO "

 THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY
 GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE
 CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN. SHE WENT BACK TO THE
 MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ,
 "YOU ARE A NUN,  YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING
 TO PLAY A  FIDDLE."

  THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF,
  "I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN   MY LIFE."
   SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

  FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS
  FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM. WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE
  COWBOY'S  CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL
 MUSIC.
 
SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE,
 THINKING,  
"THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN."

 BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD
CAME OUT. IT READ,
"YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS , YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE
GOING TO BREAK WIND."

 NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF,
 "I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.."
 
 BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING
 TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND. ABSOLUTELY STUNNED,
 SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF,
 "THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN."

 SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD
 CAME OUT. IT READ,
 "YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED
  YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO